Yeah. I get that this is a theme for me. I have to thank Grey for listening to my ramblings at the gym as of late. There are really only 2 or 3 people I can talk to about some of the shit in my head that i refuse to accept. And that I refuse to admit that I refuse to accept. Funny, right?
So I think I figured out an essential vein of this refusal of acceptance. I meditated and pondered and decided that I will just be letting go of the fear attached to such intangible ideas. Fighting these ideas hasn't been fruitful. I KNOW this. I've KNOWN this. But the acceptance part is what I haven't done.
Now I know.
There are a lot of things in this life we can change. There are some things we will always need to work with to maintain our courses. But some things are just fucking inherently who we are, what we are, what we will be. And this is my big secret fear. (for those who know me, it's not really a secret. But what good friends they are to humor me in such fantasies!)
I feel freer. Thanks, Grey, for listening without judgement and for helping me to sort through this aloud. And for being one of the best friends I've known.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get a little drink after all that.
Do emotional warriors get props for Memorial Day? hmm... I think they should. :-p
