In the spirit of the hawk

Animals tell us things; if we listen. Since my childhood, I've noticed Red-tailed hawks soaring over me when I'm going through a tough spot and flying with me when I've made the best choice for getting out of a rough spot. My first encounter was at my elementary school, when the Carolina Raptor Center visited us with an owl and a Red-Tailed Hawk. I felt a connection with the hawk and still remember my heart pounding as I touched her belly. During my days in NYC, I disconnected from nature. But since my return to the Charlotte area, I've learned to reconnect.

I've been with people who think it's hokey to listen to Native Americans in movies saying things like "talk to the sand" or "listen to the wind". Let me explain what this means, with a few examples....

Upon my return to Charlotte, I had a lot of healing to do, but wasn't listening to myself. I was driving home from a new job one day when I saw a Red-tailed hawk who was injured on the side of the road. I called my sister, who happened to have been holding a Raptor Center brochure in her hand at that very moment, got their number and called them while I kept an eye on the hawk. They came and picked up the injured bird, and it caused me to pause and think about my own "injuries" and take better care of myself.

A few years ago, I had been experiencing pain in my right shoulder that was getting worse. As I was ignoring it, I had a complex experience in Cherokee and met a man who gave me some valuable family information whose name was Red Hawk. Later that week, I was getting a tattoo to commemorate this experience and the tattoo artist burst a bursa in my elbow, unbeknownst to me at the time. During the next few days, I kept seeing this hawk on an electrical wire at the corner of the same intersection. Every morning, his head was under his right wing. (I kid you not) - He was there for a solid week, every morning. He finally caused me to look down at my arm and notice this disgusting lump on my forearm. I touched it and it was gel like and nasty.... so I went to the doc, who told me that the bursa would go away soon.. And while I was there, I mentioned my right shoulder pain. His findings indicated that, if I hadn't come to him then, I might have had to have surgery! (The hawk wasn't there the next morning). :-)

As a result, I've finally given in and I've learned to listen to my environment. When I decided to go back to school, I had hawks flying all over my yard, with my car, and even in front of my car. This morning, I though it might be fun to revisit what a hawk can tell me.... and it amazed me once again.

First of all, what I've chosen to go to school for is Counseling, specifically LGBT counseling, preferably working with kids or young adults. "When you have the hawk as a spirit animal, you may have an inclination towards using the power of vision and intuition in your daily life. The hawk totem provides wisdom about seeing situations from a higher perspective, using the power of observation, and focusing on the task at hand. It’s a good companion to develop spiritual awareness.

"

I think I've chosen well.... and everything seems to be following this path right now. I can also take another valuable lesson from this animal, and that's the ability to soar. Letting go of the reigns and allowing my natural ability to guide me, instead of trying to control each step I take.

Good morning. :-)

The game

Although life itself is mortal, life experiences are not unlike a video game. You attempt each level with the idea that you will progress to the next, and when you don't pass the first time, you have the chance to try again. It may be embarrassing to bust your ass in front of other players, but everyone has been on that level before and knows how difficult it can be. And once you level up, you will feel a sense of accomplishment.

Gravity

 I experienced the movie Gravity yesterday, just after I had to deal with something that was extremely difficult for me. I mean excruciating. This thing is not hard for everyone, but vulnerability is something I fight - hard. It feels like those dreams most people have where they're at work or school, only to realize they have forgotten to wear pants. And I've gone to great lengths to control my environment, in order to feel "safe" and invulnerable. I step into things one toe at a time, feel things out, wait for things to come to me, initiating hardly anything, always being busy and unavailable... you know me. So you know. And although I've chipped away at much of this, and continue to, because I think it's important work, a lot still remains. I feel blocked. I do. I'm LESS blocked, but I am still digging through the wall of fear that was mortared around me as a child.

So, enter this movie. I was told this was an amazing movie and especially a 3-D movie. But I wasn't prepared for the complexity and the message it gave me. It's still filtering through the cracks and hitting me in new ways. I just love when something effects me like this. The last thing to really do this was the movie Hedwig & the Angry Inch. I don't want to ruin this movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, but I will say that it lives up to its name. I realized what I am doing to myself by keeping myself so busy that I can't see the beauty around me. I mean I can, for the most part, now. But I mean in a deeper sense. Without revealing too much, I'll suffice it to say that I need to just let go and take the ride instead of always being busy tinkering the track. This post is really an addition to the previous post... I already know this, but it was essential for me to put a visual to my idea.

I wanna see this again already. This photo I attached is my absolute favorite moment in the movie.