Gravity

 I experienced the movie Gravity yesterday, just after I had to deal with something that was extremely difficult for me. I mean excruciating. This thing is not hard for everyone, but vulnerability is something I fight - hard. It feels like those dreams most people have where they're at work or school, only to realize they have forgotten to wear pants. And I've gone to great lengths to control my environment, in order to feel "safe" and invulnerable. I step into things one toe at a time, feel things out, wait for things to come to me, initiating hardly anything, always being busy and unavailable... you know me. So you know. And although I've chipped away at much of this, and continue to, because I think it's important work, a lot still remains. I feel blocked. I do. I'm LESS blocked, but I am still digging through the wall of fear that was mortared around me as a child.

So, enter this movie. I was told this was an amazing movie and especially a 3-D movie. But I wasn't prepared for the complexity and the message it gave me. It's still filtering through the cracks and hitting me in new ways. I just love when something effects me like this. The last thing to really do this was the movie Hedwig & the Angry Inch. I don't want to ruin this movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, but I will say that it lives up to its name. I realized what I am doing to myself by keeping myself so busy that I can't see the beauty around me. I mean I can, for the most part, now. But I mean in a deeper sense. Without revealing too much, I'll suffice it to say that I need to just let go and take the ride instead of always being busy tinkering the track. This post is really an addition to the previous post... I already know this, but it was essential for me to put a visual to my idea.

I wanna see this again already. This photo I attached is my absolute favorite moment in the movie.