Primal bonding

I needed that Valient Thorr show tonight. I almost didn't go. Only because I had worked all day, then rehearsed and I have these health issues to worry about. I'm supposed to be taking it easy. But I can't miss the chance to see 2 of my favorite people and one of my favorite bands all in one rare shot.

I love standing back and watching the crowds at metal shows. Sweaty people piled on top of each other, arms around each other, pumping their free fists to the same beat to which the drummer, the bassist, the guitarists, the singer are all pulsing. It unites people in the most primal way. We're all experiencing time as a unit. It matters. It bonds. It fucking heals my soul to see people doing this. I'm probably the only geek in the crowd being all anthropological about this, but I smile so big watching people have a good time. I think to myself "This is the way we bond now" - since we don't live in villages anymore. A lot of us weren't held enough or properly socialized as children. This is our therapy. It's our way.

Clinking beer bottles together with friends on a common ground feels like we're not alone.

It's no different than beating drums around a campfire and dancing to unify before war or before a holiday.

It's about getting on the same page.

Primal is a good thing. Primitive is not a negative description, It's something we've LOST, but should always retain.

Freedom

Freedom should exist between people. Freedom isn't being alone. It's being who you are, having boundaries and respecting boundaries, living your dreams and communicating with the world around you. The Hollywood syndrome makes people attempt to live in a fantasy world.

Our world IS a fantasy world all its own. We connect with people for various reasons in multiple ways. Life ebbs and flows as often as the tides in the oceans. Sometimes lower and other times higher. People panic and imagine this is permanent and forget that these circumstances swing almost like a pendulum. The low will become high once more. 

This is how nature works. We are nature and thus we are not immune to these cycles. 

I am experiencing a simultaneous high and low. I'm so busy in all kinds of positive ways, but also am not in a secure job. I'm in constant worry about something either work related or band related. As a sufferer of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, this type of thing is obviously too much for my body. In my right to freedom, to which I believe everyone is entitled, my attempts at setting boundaries are generally met with criticism or pushiness. And I realized tonight that it's because non-sufferers  can't empathize. It's an indescribable feeling, to be literally worn out from something that would barely tire others. 

So the guilt trips I've allowed others to put on me will no longer be blamed. I can forgive the inability to understand.  But what will not be tolerated is the refusal to respect a boundary. I find that extremely offensive. I wouldn't dream of crossing a set boundary and wouldn't feel comfortable in struggling with someone to get my way when they clearly are telling me no. 

Work, friends, family. Learn to respect each other. That's what we have left as humans. We can still connect with each other with our boundaries in place. in fact, it can only strengthen our bonds. 

If you think a flower is beautiful, don't pick it or it will wither and die. Observe it and keep it as it existed when you first saw it. 

Evolution

I can feel a MASSIVE shift of evolution coming my way. I've been beating my head against the wall trying to do what I've been taught is right. And It always makes me miserable and stifled to the point that my stresses manifest as health problems. And yet, I keep doing these things because I wanna be acceptable and normal. Whatever the fuck that means.

I'm not that person. Try as I might.

I have more thinking to do on what this means exactly, but I wrote this as a starting point so that I can look back and see my breadcrumbs.